Awakening myself: looking for love, seeing fear
One of my teachers asked me last week to do a few observation exercises to help me realise my connection with everyone else and everything else, and help expand my awareness. I found them extremely interesting and so I am sharing the experience with you all, I indeed recommend you do that for a while.
The first exercise was simply to notice myself in everyone around me, also in everyplace around me. My colleagues, my friends, my family. How was I mirroring myself in them? Could I see that we all were part of the same thing? Could I see parts of myself represented in them?. At the beginning it was difficult, for my filters were on and I just saw the people as I thought they were, but bit by bit I managed to match a part of me in any of them: one friend was exactly my way of acting with friends, other people mirrored certain feelings and fears, some others colleagues represented exactly the way I am in other aspects of my life.
What I simply discover was that if I was to put everyone together, I would have them the most complete encyclopedia in pieces of my "whole self", so to say, and I came also aware that for them, I was representing a part of their self.
The second exercise was to focus now in just a particular kind of energy: fear and hesitation. Most of us still live with many parts of our self deep rooted in several kinds and degrees of fear (locking all doors of our cars and our houses, checking that the bottle of water is closed before we drink from it, fearing that we will not have enough of this, enough of that, fearing that we will lose our love-partner-spouse-husband, fearing that nobody will care for us when we grow old, etc,etc). I did focus on finding examples of when I was being driven by fear on my daily life, on my emotions and reactions, and I got a quite big list of behaviours in which my emotion was not rooted in love, but rooted in some kind of fear.
Becoming aware of them helped me realise that I was blocking myself of opening to deeper connections to people or to life itself. It has been the first step to change a fear-based reaction into a love-based one ( for example, did not put the lock on my motorbike that night, and nothing happened :-)).
The third and last exercise is the one I am still working on it. This time it is about finding love everywhere. I have to really "feel" the love, knowing that in reality everything is made of love is not the goal. I have to find love in people, in situations, in behaviours. The first day at work was completely a disaster. No one single reaction/situation was love-based, there were no love on the things we do at work, on the meetings, on the goals of the people. I still was seeing fear everywhere (economical loses, job cuts, deadlines to finish projects or we will not be first in the market, etc,etc). I went on looking for love among friends and family, and I felt some, really felt some, but I still felt fear: people caring for each other because they fear being alone, friends that are nice but they look for control or protect themselves from being hurt, etc. This exercise is not finish for me, because I know love is the main force in the universe, so love MUST be in many more places that I still have not seen. It may be my perception or my filters, but I want to feel love, cause it is there, everywhere.
